My Life . My Way

I laid in bed for a while in complete silence, feeling my chest rise and fall, listening to my staggered breathing, this was the only thing that showed I was alive. It was raining heavily, I go outside, staring up at the sky as the droplets of cold rain hits my face. The heavy rain break the silence and the faint whisper of the wind sent a chilling sensation over my body. I haven't felt so low for a long time, I kept thinking what the heck had I'm done wrong this time?

Have you ever been in a situation where you don't know what you feel? I have. I am. I don't know what I feel. It's a scary place to be in. Very scary. When nothing makes sense. Just the present, the current moment, and that's it. You don't know if you are right, wrong or whatever. You are just doing things because you are supposed to do something to get through this moment.

I feel myself slowly falling into a cycle of depression…All I can do is eat and sleep trying to recover as much energy I could for the long hours of work awaiting each upcoming days. How pathetic…I feel as if someone messed up somewhere along the way. I feel this isn’t supposed to be happening, at least not to me….

I’ve always felt that everything happens for a reason, that if you stay good, be nice, do everything that is expected of you…things will be good for you in return…I’ve been trying to be good all my life, but where has it gotten me?! Life could be worse…I understand, but why is it not at least good?

*Today might not be my day but I will keep on fighting.*